I drank and drank in disbelief. The blood red wine like silk on the throat. I couldn't help feeling my skull. I know I did it. I blew my brains clear as day. Bullet ripped and fired my meat and flesh. I welcomed nothing. I welcomed peace. But here I sit with something. Am I not dead?. Are these torture tactics? Did I survive? Am I locked and secured with beady eyes observing my every drink and breath?
The room glow white released fear and opression into the brain. The room was alien and scentless. It was pure. I woke up here. I'd been here days now but I was well aware no time had passsed. This wasn't Europe or earth. Now you see there is an inclining as to my whereabouts but I am in no way going to admit it. To admit is to admit madness. To admit is to admit that I had invested in the wrong bank. My currency of feeling and action was all designed to overcome and control. But here I sit in everything the holy men had explained. Simplicity love and purity. Everything I burned to the ground and violently repelled. If my location be true then so must the man.
My name is Adolf Hitler and I am dead. Conciously dead. I remember dying. I remember nothing. Now this. The third stage. I woke from a dreamless sleep into a pure room. I was waiting. I had blood on my hands if not more. I slept in pools of invisible blood. It was all on me. I gave birth to the sin of the century. I bred bombs and barbed wire. I stole youthfull minds from parental love in exchange for killing ants. One by one they marched to the tune of my self created zombie disco. I was wicked beyond belief. I never believed. Untill now. People feared the soldiers. Soldiers feared the dictator. The dictators feared nothing. Ever. But I was about to meet the maker of nothing. The maker of everything. Nietsche was wrong God is far from dead.
Tho I was alone I knew the interogation had begun. The holy light was questioning me. I questioned me. Like a worm in my heart the lord ate a feast. Death was joyous. Heaven was Hell.
Time had passed when I felt the sudden slither of breath touch the back of my neck. It came with a raspy rattle and an oxygen liquid lick on my spine. The shudder remained. "I am Jesus" whispered the snake voice. "I know". A white noise rang in my bones and began to vibrate through out to a point of intense internal burn. What was a whimper became a scream. What once was energised fell to the ground. My knees crushed onto the eternal mist. The agony electricuted through my vains and bursting blood vessels , reducing my bones to a jelly substance. My hands ripped and walked away from me, dancing in front of my very eyes. My lungs squeezed threw the rib cage to slap my face like large steaks. My tears boiled on there lids. My whole system and structure was rearranging. As if Jesus was levitating my atoms like bricks into new buildings. The white noise grew louder and louder until my skull began to burst with flame and tremble like beaten dogs. Within a flash my entire body blew up. Flying threw the white mist I could see yet without eyes the slithers of meat, bits of bone wires of vein and sprays of blood flying out into all directions. I even saw my eyes fly past me. The pain had stopped now. All was peace. I was without a body. Yet conciouss. Floating away. I no longer saw my hurtling remains. I just flew threw the white void.
My concioussness gathered speed thru the mist until I saw the mist like a white floating planet. Perfectly spherical. Humming thru space. Out of the white and into the black. Nothing. Black. Void. Silhouettes appeared like vague rainbow waterfalls pouring thru random pours of space. Contained in this sacred treacle were my scared memories. Within the colours I could make out my beautiful mother. A flash of my wife Eva stroking my hair. My dog. The first human I ever made smile. The first girl I ever stared at unaware of love. The sadness was unbearable. Friends long gone. Within the water were diffrent outcomes of what I could of been. I wish I could jump into them with a splash and start again. "I'm sorry". The rainbow waterfalls faded away and I returned to the empty hum of space.
I floated and thought for a while untill my consciousness landed with a thud onto another planet. My essence curled round it like a pancake on a stick. It came as a surprise as I had stared out into vast space for millenniums. Yet still no time had passed. The void I realised was but a Yogi playground with vast outcomes and possibilities. Out of nothing came something. I realised threw the silence that not only had I been wicked. But also I had been a fool. Dumb almost. There was no such thing as ruling over anything. I was already the void. Born of it like cosmic mother. I am cosmic son. I burned the very fabrics of my being. Torched the hand that made me.I insisted on separation. Of dominance. How the void must laugh. How futile and stupid my statues stand. My documents and manifestos will blow in the wind and burn in the sun. I rested on spitting black rock and liquid lava that roared like the volcanoes around me. My essence began to wilt like a flower. My body had gone and now my soul was to burn. Hell had roared and consumed many a man. Never to return. The ultimate end. My soul burned slowly letting me feel. Memories and opinions turned to smoke. My ideals began to vanquish. Before the last pettle burnt out the rainbow silhoutte returned this time encompassing the entire sky of the planet. Within the waves a million eyes glared like a jury. They watched my last moments. They will never have last moments. Their essence was granted immortality. The eyes of children, women and men all stared at peace. My last piece of soul began to boil and within its steam I evaporated from all that I'd ever known. I never was or would be.