Tuesday, 19 July 2011

Simon's Fan Fiction Draft

Hi everyone =D

Hayate no gotoku (Hayate the combat butler) is originally a manga written by Hata Kenjiro. The story about a boy named Hayate was born under misfortune that he have to work hard to pay back the debts his parents brought upon playing around not working. However, one day they ran away leaving 150 million yen debt to him. Threatened by the pursuer to take back the money, he decided to kidnap a rich girl so he would use ransom money to pay the debt. Everything turn out as he end up helping the girl out of a kidnapping case and made she mistook for he being in love with her. The story goes on with he becomes her loyal butler in return for her paying off his enormous debt with the little misunderstanding between them.

 This fan fiction setting take place in the future where he have to decide on his relationship with the girls whom, by one way or another, fell in love with him and demand a proper answer after a long time battling with each other for his heart. Well, we’ll leave that for some other time. This time let’s enjoy Hayate emergency solution.

*   *   *
Good morning, Milady, it’s time to wake up or you’re gonna be 
late for school!

 Oi, Hayate, let me stay home today. I’m too tired to wake up this early after everything last night.

**Smile awkwardly**  You can’t, Ojou-sama. Today is the first day after summer break. Everybody is expected to be there for the opening ceremony.

 But....         **WHACK**     Get up now, don’t you want to go to school with your beloved butler Hayate?

 Kyaaaa, Sakuya, where did you ....        
 Appear from? I didn’t know you are that forgetful, Nagi. Even though you just talk about last night...  **Devilish smile**  
Hmmm, if you do that Hayate might get snatched by other girls, you know, Nagi >:)

**Sleepy-Sloppy**    No no, absolutely not. I’m up!!! Let’s go to school together Hayate!

 Uhhh, Ojou-sama, you can’t go out in sleeping clothes -_-‘ Let’s get changed.


Good morning Nagi~ Good morning Hayate-kun~

**Sleepy** Good morning     **Smile** Good morning Hinagiku-san
Hey Nagi, did we do something last night? I can’t remember it but every time I think about it my heart would beat like crazy...

Well I don’t really know what you’re talking about but I agree we did do something.       (Ueah!?)

What are you “ueah” for Hayate! Do you remember it?      **Glare (Hinagiku & Nagi)**

Uh oh, no, absolutely not Ojou-sama, haha (awkwardly). Ah, I remember I have to take something from my locker. I’ll see you in class then, Ojousama. Excuse me, Hinagiku-san.       **Run away**

OH HEY WAIT!!! *Shocked* He’s fast. There’s something fishy about him, Nagi...!


**Walking**   Whoa!!! That was close. I didn’t expect them to be like that. Sigh...
But well, I’m glad that they had forgot it.

**From behind**       Good morning, Hayata-kun!!! Wat cha doing? xD

Good morning Segawa san. I’m going to my class.
We heard you mumbling about forgetting something, Ha.ya.te.

** Panic**      Ack, It’s A-tan. Don’t worry about it, A-tan. It’s a minor thing, haha 8-}

**Whisper**    Well well, perhaps you’re thinking that I didn’t remember anything last night?

             I knew it. She didn’t affected by it.

             Haha, I don’t think I understand you, A-tan.

**Totally cool**        Oh well, guess I should talk about it with the others. Hope they haven’t forgotten it yet.

**In a grovel stance**  I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I was lying. I’m really sorry. I’m dead TT__TT I really am...

So Hayate, what is Athena-chan is talking about?

No, Segawa-san, I really can't talk about that...

Oh really, should I tell it to everyone then >:) About how you really are!

You don't have to tease me like that A-tan.....

<Mobile ring>
Oi Hayate, you're still not going to class yet?

Hai, right away, Ojou-sama. <hang up> I'll see you after class then.


Sigh, I've been running around just trying not to get caught today. How long can I stay like this? Should I ask A-tan to help me? No, no, no. There's noway she will. She was there last night too


Argh, how can I solve this? I can’t continue like this...

Hey, where do you think you’re going Hayate?

Yike, Ojou-sama

**Pissed off**         Yeah, you can go anywhere after we solve our little problem.

Hinagiku-san. What dya mean problem?

I don’t think the situation is good for me… For now, the only choice I have left… BAIT!!!

Hey wait !!!

**Stump into…** Ru…Ruka-san. What are you doing here? I’m sorry.

I thought of something I want to ask you Hayate-san. That’s alright


Perfect timming Ruka-san. Please hold down Hayate there!

**Blush** ‘Hold’? You mean “hold”??? <washed down in some fantasies…>



Don’t you think you can run away from us Hayate-kun >:)


**Overlapped** Hayate, why are you running away?

Is this some kind of joke?              T___T

Erm, haha<awkward>, what do you want to ask of me Ojou-samas?

Well, we planned to ask you nicely but since you’re running away we have no other choice

<After a big braw leaving our Hayate half-dead>

Well Hayate, I don’t know should I say I’m glad that you are alive after that or I’m extremely surprised that someone could put you in this bad condition.

Of course you wouldn’t say that if you know what happened back there Maria-san… =((

*    *    *

As Hayate was totally beaten by his masters (they’re all living in the same household as in the original piece) leaving him unable to do anything except breathing, the case closed as all the other don’t want to see Maria in a rage if she were to find out the story. Let’s wait for him to fully recovered until we get to watch what gonna happen to him.


  1. very interesting technique with the dialogue.

  2. Thanks, I thought I should try to see if it's easy for everyone to read as I let them imagine of the characters' expression. It's more interesting that way, well at least to my hope. I'll improve it later on in my final as people commenting on this.

  3. I liked the story.
    I also liked that you put some pictures up, so that we know what the characters looked like.
    I also liked how you described the actions.
    Good work!

  4. Okay I'll make sure they're there in the final post. Is my grammar and stuffs alright?

  5. I like how you wrote a synopsis at the beginning so I know who the characters are in your story. What frank said, an interesting dialogue however I sort of follow who is talking. But sometimes not. Its funny anyway. Keep going! I want to know what happens to Ojousama. :P

  6. Oh! and some of the sentences in the synopsis doesn't make sense to me. . . .

  7. Okay, I put apart the synopsis from the opening of the fanfic. Hope it can make sense somehow. I was worried of how you would lost track of following the character somehow but if I make it obvious it becomes boring as everything is repeated like a cycle.

  8. I don't know much about grammar really, but I found some things like ueah that i can't really imagine the sound!!

  9. it's only a expression common in manga and anime which express something awkward, no sweat on it.

  10. Hey Simon! great start to your fanfic! i'm not really a fan of Anime so i wasn't too sure if i was going to understand it but i did thanks to your synopsis! Only thing i had trouble with was keeping up with the characters! Maybe if i watch the clip i'll get a better idea. Your grammar and sentences seem to ALLGOOD! except for some minors ones that won't take long to fix. Other than looking forward to reading your final! Great job so far! :)

  11. Thanks Luseane, I doubt there will be anymore. I'm at the limit of word count now. I thought I did somehow end the day leaving the imagination to continue though :P Can you point the minors that I need to fix? I looked them all over but can't see any @_@

  12. I like how even tho its a written piece and not an anime comic..the images your writing style, spacing, use of bold onamatopia create the image of a graphic novel in my head. My imagination of the piece is visually set out like a comic.